…continued from Part 1
“Well, your hands or feet are usually a good place to start,” I say.
I always start there. Hands are what we usually use to reach out and connect to others, so they’re usually a safe place and they’re incredibly sensitive too. But for some trauma survivors even hands are a bit too intimate and scary so feet are a good option.
“Definitely not my feet!” She laughs. “Yes, let’s try hands.”
“Ok great. Let’s do this. I’m going to set a timer.” I open a drawer in the end table beside me and pull one out.
“What? A timer. What’s that all about?”
“I’ve often worked women who can’t easily receive sensual touch. The timer helps.”
“Really? Why? How?”
“Lots of reasons. Maybe she’s so used to giving touch that receiving feels strange. Or she worries that touch she does want will lead to other touch she doesn’t – because that’s been her past experience. Or she just doesn’t feel deserving. A timer, set for just a few minutes, creates a clear start and finish to the practice of receiving, which in turn can help her relax, savour the touch, and notice what comes up.”
I take a breathe. That was a whole lot of words. I’m worrying about being too nerdy.
She considers this for a moment then says, “Ok that makes sense, thanks for the explanation. Is this part of your somatic sex education training?”
“Yes. I’ve got all kinds of neat somatic sex hacks. I learned the timer thing from Betty Martin – a master teacher of consent and sensual touch. Shall we start with say 3 minutes then?”
“Sure”, she smiles wryly “I can probably endure 3 minutes of touch on my hand.”
“Sensual touch,” I remind her. “And no enduring. If the touch doesn’t feel good, just let me know right away. Like we’ve practiced.” We have done a lot of work on her finding voice and choice prior to this session.
“Yes, I’ll let you know.”
“Ok great we’re almost ready to go. But first, let’s get you into a pillow pleasure throne.”
She raises an eyebrow, “Excuse me?”
“A pillow pleasure throne. It’s another somatic sex hack. It’s just cushy stuff to support your body.”
“Oh ok.”
I gather some pillows (I have lots at my studio) and we position them under her arms and behind her back. We’re still on the couch of course.
I observe how the throne invites her to soften her habitual upright and stiff posture. She sinks into it, her shoulders drop and she gives a gentle sigh. “Thank you,” she says, “You take pleasure seriously.”
I smile. “I do. Pleasure, like music, is often quite subtle. Tension and strain in the body is like noise and can totally drown out the music.”
She gives me an appreciative look, “Nice metaphor.”
“Ha. Thanks. Sex nerds rule!”
The fun chat is helping me relax too. I take a moment to feel my breath and find some pleasure in my own body – my hands of course – they’re warm and starting to tingle. I look at her. I notice her smile and how her dark hair falls around her neck. I feel a warm pulse in my being rising from below, a faint and delicious beat of Desire. I wonder if she is feeling it too. Her breath seems to be a bit more rapid. Yes.
I start the timer and sit closer to her on the sofa. Not touching her, but close enough to feel the warmth of her body. Her breath has definitely quickened.
“Ready?” I ask.
“Yes,” she says with no hesitation. She flashes me a positively sultry smile and I look into her eyes. Taking care to maintain our gaze, I start the timer, reach out, and tenderly cradle her left hand in mine.
